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Showing posts with label snacks and desserts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label snacks and desserts. Show all posts

Friday, April 28, 2017

Trader Joe's Chocolate Sunflower Seed Drops


"Better than peanut M&M's," says Sonia.

I won't argue with that assessment.

The sunflower seeds provide a decidedly nutty flavor, and there's just the right amount of chocolate...plus, of course, a colorful candy shell on each drop. They're crunchy, addictive, and fun to play with. Makes you wonder why none of the big mainstream candy companies have offered chocolate-covered sunflower seeds yet...

We were inspired to make another short video. Please enjoy our crude attempt at stop motion animation.



Bottom line: 8 out of 10.



Monday, April 24, 2017

Trader Joe's Vietnamese Coffee Caramels


So at this point, you must think I'm pretty daft to keep reviewing coffee items. Sure. Well, I'm not denying the fact that I'm a fool, but there's a little bit more to it than that, since I'm quite aware that most of you, like us, are sick of coffee-flavored things at Trader Joe's and have already made up your minds about most of these coffee products anyway. 

But as some of you may know, as of late, Sonia and I have been nomadic. And as we pass by Trader Joe's locations, we just buy up as many hot new items as we can at the time and try to make them last for a few weeks. During our last TJ's run, the vast majority of new products we saw were coffee-flavored. But I must point out at this juncture that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and I believe (don't quote me on this) that this will be our last coffee item review for a while. So don't touch that dial, coffee-haters.


And now that we've gotten that silly disclaimer out of the way, we can go ahead and review these Vietnamese caramels. What makes them Vietnamese, I'm still not quite sure. And there's no uplifting spiel on the side of the tub to enlighten us any further, I'm afraid. I did a little Googling into the matter, as I'm known to do from time to time, and I did find out something about "nuoc mao," which is apparently a nearly-burnt caramel sugar sauce—a cornerstone of Vietnamese cooking. But as far as I can tell, there's nothing nuoc mao-ish about these candies. 

However, the image on the front of TJ's tub did provide a clue about the Vietnamese inspiration for these candies. Apparently, it's a Vietnamese coffee press, used in making Vietnamese iced coffee, which strikes me as being akin to one of my favorites: Thai iced tea. But anyway, I think Vietnamese iced coffee is what they were going for here.


It's a sugary, milky coffee flavor that's well-balanced and works perfectly as an after dinner sweet treat. It leaves a faint coffee aftertaste in the mouth. The texture is very similar to saltwater taffy—not quite as "stretchy," but just as soft and pliable. Both these caramels and saltwater taffy contain sugar, water, butter, and salt, so even the flavor is similar. There's no ground coffee here, which is good. Real coffee might have ruined this product's smoothness. We do have "natural coffee flavor," though, which seems to work just as well.

Neither coffee nor caramels are really my thing, but I found this product to be a pleasant surprise. So did Sonia. Three and a half stars from me. Four from her.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Friday, April 21, 2017

Trader Joe's Matcha White Chocolate Bar

The topic of "punishment meals" have been brought up before on this blog. The short version: days that us kids were being brats, my mom would make us a dinner we'd be sure to hate just to get back at us. usually it was tuna fish casserole. Blecccccccch.

Well, a punishment meal can have a punishment dessert, right?

Unfortunately, that pretty much exactly sums up how both Sandy and I feel about Trader Joe's Matcha White Chocolate Bar with Matcha Green Tea Filling. Sounded intriguing enough to plunk down $1.99. I really wish we hadn't.

First off, look at our product shot inside the wrapper. There's so much wrong with that picture. First off, it looks like that bar got runover by a dump truck. I get that shipping and transit is what it is, and stuff happens, but seriously? That's a bit much. Then the colors...ugh. Maybe I'm jsut much too basic, but chocolate is not supposed to be that color. It doesn't even look appetizing. Then there's that filling, oozing out everywhere, looking like little puddles of melted green Army guys. Appeal factor definitely went down a few notches there.

A lot of that can be forgiven if tasted good...no. No. No. Look, kudos for effort, I guess, but swing a miss here. The chocolate portion is actually decent enough, decidedly on the sweeter side, with a hint or two of green tea mixed in. Or maybe that's its that greenness playing tricks on me. Regardless, it's not the problem. It's the filling. Very strong green tea flavor. Very herbaceous. You could have told me it was spinach jelly and I would have believed you. And it alternately doesn't jive that well with the rest of the chocolate casing while also in conjunction with that chocolate tasting like way too much green tea.

Dark chocolate with the green tea filling might have worked. Green tea white chocolate with a regular chocolate filling would have worked. Or heck, even like a berry filling of some type with that green cocoa concoction. But as is? Too much...and I like green tea. So does Sandy.

Check here for the nutritional stats and ingredients...we neglected to get a pic before trashing the box. "Good," Sandy said. "It's awful and no one should eat it anyways." She's going with a 1 for the inspiration, but, man, that execution...ugh. I gave it a second try right before writing it and really could not think of anything all that positive to say. Candy so bad it gets thrown out in my house? Must be pretty awful.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Matcha White Chocolate Bar: 2 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Trader Joe's Vienna Coffee Meringues


These things are cavities just waiting to happen. 

There's something chalky about the texture that makes biting into these meringues like the dental equivalent of nails on a chalkboard for me. Due to their brittleness, many of the cookies were broken before we even opened the tub. They generally disintegrate into a chunky tan powder upon first bite, and they leave behind a tacky residue on fingers and lips. 


The parts of the meringues that do make it into your mouth are somewhat crunchy, but since they consist of mostly sugar and egg whites, they have a melt-in-your-mouth quality that's fairly pleasant. Their flavor is that of a sugar-sweetened sweetness with a bit more candied sugary sugar on top. There's a hint of coffee in there somewhere, too. And normally, I think we'd want the coffee flavor to come through a tad more, except that we're a bit coffee'd out right now.

We're well aware of Trader Joe's Vanilla Meringue Cookies, the predecessor to this coffee variety—one product that's been in that "After Heating Up These Dinners You'll Need To Gorge Yourself On Lots Of Candy And Cookies" aisle for years, and yet somehow has eluded our sights on this blog. A reader mentioned that these are very much like those, except for the faint coffee flavor, of course.


Sonia appreciates their visual appeal more than their flavor or texture. She says, "They're pretty, but they're not very tasty." She also likes the label on the packaging. How very graphic designery of her.

For that reason, they would be nice for a party or something like that where a bunch of people would just have one or two and then move along to graze on another snack. I can't see these being gobbled down by the dozen by very many people, but usually when I make claims like that, I turn out to be wrong. So who knows? These weren't Sonia's favorite, and they're definitely not mine, but if you want to sing their praises in the comments below, be our guest.

Two stars from me. Two and a half from Sonia.

Bottom line: 4.5 out of 10.

Friday, April 14, 2017

Trader Joe's Coffee Toffee Shortbread Cookies


There's something very Girl Scout-esque about these cookies. At least part of it is the box and packaging—a long rectangular cuboid with a cellophane sleeve and plastic carton thing. And although I've never tried them, I know the Girl Scouts offered a toffee shortbread cookie not long ago called "Toffee-tastic." By some miracles of science and Girl Scout magic, those were rice-based and gluten free. Here's one entertaining look at them in case you're eager to learn more like I was.


This Trader Joe's selection is wheat-based, glutenful, chocolatey, and vaguely coffee-ish. If I use my imagination, I can detect some toffee candy sweetness, too. But mostly, I'd say it's a dark chocolate and shortbread kind of vibe here.

They're crispy and crumbly, and the chocolate coating and drizzle acts as a waxy covering to these otherwise grainy morsels. The texture isn't entirely unpleasant, but the chocolate coating insulates these cookies a little too well from the sometimes-welcome wetness that stems from a brief dip in your hot beverage of choice. In other words, these don't make great dunkables in my opinion, because they're simply too "weather-proof," for lack of a better term.

The flavor isn't bad, but it's not particularly memorable, either—especially after a month or so of gorging myself on boatloads of coffee and mocha flavored products for the sake of this daring TJ's blog. I should probably break up this java jones nonsense with bread that isn't coffee-flavored once in a while.

But at any rate, I'm not alone. Sonia was underwhelmed as well. She doesn't even think the shortbread is very tasty. We're not hatin'. We're just not going to buy these cookies again, because there's nothing that we really want to hang on to here. If they had slurped up our hot coffee the way those Joe-Joe's did, these cookies might have been well-worth their $2.99 price tag—which really isn't unreasonable if these are your thing. We're just gonna bet that for most people...this isn't gonna be your thing...at least not in any meaningful way.

Three stars a piece.

Bottom line: 6 out of 10.

Monday, April 10, 2017

Trader Joe's Mocha Crunch Cremes

Leading up to these mocha-fied treats, six out of our last seven posts contained the word "coffee." I'm not sure if the Trader Joe's packaging people just got tired of typing the word "coffee" (I think all of us at WG@TJ's have), but they certainly could have slipped it into the title of this product if they had wanted to since there are actual ground coffee beans within each candy—in fact, most, if not all, of these coffee-laden commodities we've been looking at recently have contained actual ground coffee beans. 

Another fun fact: eleven of our last thirteen posts have been coffee or mocha-themed. So we're getting to be old pros at analyzing, assessing, and taste-testing coffee-infused snacks and desserts. I can bust out a three or four paragraph review after just a single bite of a Trader Joe's coffee product, because A) the caffeine makes my brain speedier, and B) I'm good at pulling useless fun facts out of my backside to use as filler. (See: this post up to this point).

But without further ado, I promise to start talking about these crunch cremes. Ready? Here we go. To the melody of the Tiny Toon Adventures theme:

They're crunchy, they're creamy, they're just a little dreamy.
They're not like sashimi, but they're totally gourmet.

That's all I got. If you want a complete review that's written as song lyrics or poetry, we've got a few of those. Try the Five Cheese FrustaPanettone Classico, or Nduja Spread. Word.

As for this review, you'll have to settle for my substandard prose.


The crunch cremes are appropriately both crunchy and creamy, with an emphasis on the cream side of the equation. The crunch is understated, for sure. It comes from the coffee beans which are most definitely already ground. There are no actual beans or even partial beans—just tiny granules of the aforementioned ground up substance. Flavor-wise, they're a pleasant mix of chocolate and coffee, with hints of caramel, vanilla, and coconut. The whole thing melts in the mouth easily, leaving just a few bits of ground coffee on the tongue. The texture is complex and hard to describe, flaunting everything from silkiness to grittiness, yet still somehow providing a cohesive snacking experience.

Sonia wishes there were more coffee in them. She thinks they taste too much like plain chocolate. I'm fine with the amount of coffee here, but maybe that's because I don't like coffee as much as she does. Three and a half stars from her. Four from me.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Trader Joe's Kona Coffee Cookie Mocha Swirl Ice Cream

Somehow, some day, this whole TJ's coffee deal will blow over.

I'm weary of it. So are you, I bet. it's okay, we're in this together...I mean, nobody wants to end up like poor old Nathan anyways. If you haven't seen, you must. I haven't seen him so wired since the one time he shotgunned six Red Bulls before busting out the out the most energetic, rousing rendition of "It's The End of the World As We Know It." Ah, college days.

But as (hopefully) close to the end of the coffee era as we are, we can't let it pass without trying Trader Joe's Kona Coffee Cookie Mocha Swirl Ice Cream. C'mon, that sounds awesome, gotta try it. the only question is, will this join one of all time TJ's ice cream greats, or be a massive disappointment?

As is the usual, the truth is somewhere in between, but decidedly much towards the optimal end of the spectrum. Twist off the lid and there it is - tannish brown coffee ice cream base, with dark swirls of mocha fudge. The cookie portion isn't all that visually apparent, but is more than abundant in nearly every spoonful in a soft, crumbly way that's somehow deeply embedded into the cream. The kona mocha ice cream hits almost every important taste touchpoint - rich, creamy, with good strong coffee depth more than tempered by sugary goodness, and that mocha fudge - oh my - great touch.

But...I'm on the fence. Somewhat. As much as I enjoy the ice cream, I can't help but think of maybe two little tweaks, and if it'd make it better or not. First: maybe, just maybe, either a vanilla or sweet cream base would be better instead of coffee ice cream. As is, it's tough to tell if the kona tastiness is derived mainly from the ice cream or the cookies mixed in. I kinda want the cookies to stand out a bit more. That brings me to the second point: the cookie texture. As a shortbread cookie, it's not much surprise about their softness and crumbliness, but something firmer, with a little more snap, perhaps. Just a little more rigid, you know?

Eh well. Really darn good ice cream as is, shouldn't quibble too much. Sandy was happy enough with it to forego her customary Halo Top for a night or two. She added that she'd really like to see this sold by the the pint and not just quart - as a non-kid friendly bucket, this will last us a while. That's enough to knock it down to a four for her? Me? That four sounds just about right. Hopefully this is giving the whole coffee craze its just desserts.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Kona Coffee Mocha Swirl Ice Cream: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Trader Joe's Coffee Glazed Almonds

Like their nutty cashew cousins, these almonds are covered in coffee...and sugar. They're more candied than coffee'd, but that's just fine by me. There's enough ground roasted espresso coffee matter present to taste distinctly like coffee, yet they're palatable to someone who's not really into the flavor of black coffee. The taste is more like a nutty cuppa with four or five sugar packets dumped in.

And of course, they still taste like almonds. If you hate almonds, you're not gonna like these. If you love almonds, it's not a given, but there's a darn good chance these will make it on your grocery list more than once. Even someone with a sweet tooth like me can appreciate that the sweetness is balanced out by the rich, earthy coffee essence. Sometimes traditional candied nuts can be...well, a bit too candied. The flavor of these nuts is significantly more balanced.

And since you don't get "sweeted-out" immediately, the addiction-factor rises. The natural goodness of almonds combined with the caffeination of espresso can make these crunchy morsels a potent afternoon pick-me-up snack, so long as you have the willpower to stop after a handful or two. Eating and drinking too much coffee can result in...um...numerous physiological and psychological ailments, as we've all witnessed recently.

Sonia raved about these almonds. She used to snack on almonds all the time, and her beverage of choice was always...coffee! So these are right up her alley. She enjoys the convenience of having the two flavors combined and appreciates the subtle balance of sweetness and savoriness. At $3.69 for the bag, they're significantly cheaper than the cashews and a decent price for a bag of plain almonds of comparable size.

Four and a half stars from her. Three and a half from me.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Thursday, March 30, 2017

Trader Joe's CannelƩs De Bordeaux

Let's take a coffee break, shall we?

No, not more coffee, as inviting as that sounds. If you haven't been paying attention to the blog recently, it's been all on up on coffee products. I'd mention them, but there's too many....just take a look over on the right sidebar under posts from this month going back.

I mean, an actual break from anything coffee related. It's a good thing, and we're all gonna need it. More on that...later.

Although, let's be honest, taking a look at the picture on the box of Trader Joe's CannelƩs De Bordeaux, that'd go well with a cup of coffee, right? Imagine that served alongside a steamy cafe au lait or cappucino or whatever at some sidewalk cafƩ. Looks fancy. Has a fancy name. Has gots to be fancy, right?

Ehhhhhhhhhhh.

So boxed fourpack come with the little French delights already fully baked, just frozen. To prepare, either thaw for 20 minutes (who's got time for that?) or nuke in the microwave for 20 seconds. We went the nuclear option. Twenty seconds didn't seem enough, the pastries were still cool to the touch. So another 20 seconds, and then, you know, 20 more just for the heck of it. Even after all that, the cannelƩs were still cool and clammy to the touch. Oh well. Time for a bite...

"Carmelized on the outside" is one way of putting it. Hard and dense with a suggestion of crispy carmelization is another. It was definitely tougher and chewier than anticipated. And the insides weren't much better. Sandy and I have a disagreement over what the word "custardy" should imply. She thinks it ought to mean creamy, like custard cream/creme. I stick more to the true meaning of custard, meaning a dish with eggs, milk, flavoring and sugar, baked until set, so cakelike except spongey. But we both agreed that the innards didn't match our hopes. Cool, dense, but fairly pleasantly (if unevenly) vanilla-esque. Think more my interpretation of custardy for sure.

Sandy disliked hers to a great degree. She plots and plans her treats all day long, and had sacrificed some ice cream so she could eat one cannelƩ in all of its 120-calorie glory. Very pouty afterwards. She gave it a two. I'll go a little higher, but not much.....but I'll be willing to be wrong here. If you like them, and have a recommended suggestion on how to optimize the thawout process to ensure its utmost tastiness, I'm all ears. We have two cannelƩs left, and I (at least) will try your recommended method and report back. Until then, as is (and keep in mind this is following the box's suggestion for preparation, so don't hate on me too much) it's just a middlin' 2.5.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's CannelƩs De Bordeaux: 4.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Trader Joe's Caramel Flavored Coffee Granola

I've always preferred the smell of coffee to its taste. The smell is rich and earthy—the taste often is, too, but there's usually a bitterness that accompanies it that I find unpleasant in most cases. With this product, when you open the bag, you might as well be opening a big bag of dark roast coffee beans. The smell alone can wake a drowsy person from their dreamy slumber. It's a deeply pleasant experience, worth the $2.99 for just the first whiff of the bag alone. But not only that, the taste is just like coffee, too—but there's little to no bitterness here. It's sweet, but not overly so, nutty, crunchy, and full of real ground coffee.

And like real coffee, it goes great with milk. It stays nice and crunchy. The texture of whole grain oat clusters pairs so beautifully with the flavor of sweet, creamy coffee, it's a wonder this isn't a staple in every household. Like most of their products, I'm sure Trader Joe's didn't invent this stuff—apparently coffee cereal has been a thing for a while, although I can't imagine flakes working quite as well as granola—but TJ's is the first store that's brought this phenomenon to my attention. They get most of the credit in my book, because they're the ones making this mainstream. And after this fun little coffee extravaganza is over, if only one product becomes a mainstay at Trader Joe's, I hope it's this one. Caffeinated cereal is something we need in our lives.

Sonia raved about this caramel coffee granola. She pointed out that the flavors are exceptionally well-balanced: the nuttiness and graininess of the granola, the earthiness of the coffee, and the sweetness of the caramel. She thought it tasted just like actual caramel. While there was definitely a nice sweet element to the cereal, I personally didn't detect anything as specific as caramel per se, but you still won't hear me complaining, because the sweetness level was just about perfect.

As far as weaknesses go, I could complain about the clusters of granola being inconsistent. Some were enormous and inedible in their initial rock-like state, but with a few jabs of a spoon, they typically would crumble into something more manageable. Not a big deal. And not that it's a weakness, but tons of black flecks fall off the granola chunks and float around in the milk. It almost looks like pepper. But it makes the residual milk taste like a diluted frappucino.

This is a must-purchase for fans of coffee and granola. It might even come in handy if you're trying to wean yourself off of eight cups of coffee a day. Having a little caffeine in your snack could help "take the edge off." Or that might just be an excuse to feed your nasty habit even more. 

But it's a darn good excuse.

Four stars from me. Perfect five from the coffee-loving Sonia

Bottom line: 9 out of 10.

Monday, March 27, 2017

Trader Joe's Coffee Glazed Cashews

There are two constants in my life, as contradictory as they should be: Caffeine and being tired. Just earlier today, at 9 a.m., I felt ready for a nap. And this was after my second cup of coffee. Probably has something to do with the pace of life I live: work on average six days a week, for about 50ish hours, and chase around my two young daughters all weekend long while trying to do things like "laundry" and "housework" to give my wife a breather. She does most of the at-home heavy lifting all week long, with a pace that keeps up with if not exceeds mine at work. The private life of one of the nation's foremost amateur-hack foodie bloggers is not nearly as glamorous as one may think.

Coffee is my companion, coffee is my friend. I've tried doing less coffee, the whole "get your body into a natural rhythm"-type deal....nah, need coffee. Maybe one day. But not today, and the tomorrows for the next five to ten years (at least) look not so promising.

Trader Joe's Coffee Glazed Cashews give yet another way to ingest coffee. Coffee + snackable nuts = caffeination and snackination in one. Time efficiency. I like that the idea.

I also really liked the cashews the first few times I had them. There's a very strong coffee aromatic that hits right when the seal is cracked. The word "glazed" is a bit of a misnomer - the ground coffee is practically caked and/or crusted on. "Coffee caked cashews" would probably give the wrong impression, though, so I understand the word choice. The crunch and feel is not too much unlike other candied nuts. Decent quality cashews.

But after a few tries, I've liked them a bit less each time. As a black coffee aficionado, the added sugar makes it too sweetly-tinged for me. I don't mind nut flavored coffees black, so I don't think it was that. And as one may imagine, like eating coffee beans, the flavor is a bit strong, to the point that only a few will easily do.  I'll still munch on them, but the strong sugary coffee taste, without much of an accompanying buzz, gets to be a bit much. As a plus, that means the bag will last us quite a while.

Sandy appreciates the fact that she can open the bag and get a strong whiff of coffee at any time. I'm not sure if that means she's huffing them when I'm not around, but even if she were, I wouldn't judge. Our kids are crazy. She hasn't munched on more than a small handful or two, which is typical for her and anything she considers a treat - she still has candy from two Christmases ago. But she's going with a four for them, while I'm coming in a little lower. "Meh" worthy at best in my opinion.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Coffee Glazed Cashews: 6.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Friday, March 24, 2017

Trader Joe's Coffee Cocoa Batons

Trader Joe's is infusing everything with coffee these days. Once upon a time, they made just regular cocoa batons. Then they offered Petite Cocoa Batons. We missed last spring's mango batons as well as the pumpkin batons the previous fall. So we'll be darned if we miss out on these coffee cocoa batons.

But really, now that we've had them, I can't say you'd be missing out on a whole lot if you don't get a chance to try them. It might not really be a fair comparison, but Sonia and I would both recommend the Organic Fair Trade Espresso Dark Chocolate Batons over these crispy critters.

However, I'm sure some of you will like them. After all, like the majority of these newfangled coffee products, they do indeed taste like coffee. And dark chocolate, as well.

But as I mention in the video, eating one of them is a bit like eating a cigar.

Well, I mean, that's just silly. They're much thinner than cigars. Okay, well, then they're a bit like eating cigarillos—cigars for people who don't really want to commit to a real cigar and say "Hey everybody, I'm a cigar guy (or gal)." You know, people who just dabble in the cigar world.

But all of this rambling about cigars is pointless. I should just let our short video do the talking. It's our dumbest video yet, full of shots of us playing with our food like naughty children.



Three and a half stars from Sonia. Two and a half from me.

Bottom line: 6 out of 10.



Monday, March 20, 2017

Trader Joe's Joe's Dark Coffee Squares

Yes, there are two "Joe's" in the title of this blog post because there are two "Joe's" in the title of the product being reviewed. Seems redundant to me. But then again, my last review had the name "Joe" in it three times. 

And as Russ pointed out in his last review, there has most definitely been a caffeine-laden incursion of coffee-themed commodities at Trader Joe's lately. After 2016's moderately-fruitful mango endeavor, TJ's decided to follow it up with a cascade of coffee—an even more universally-appreciated flavor. In fact, coffee is the second most traded asset in the world. In order to top that, for 2018, Trader Joe's will have to introduce a line of crude oil flavored food products. Good luck with that, Big Joe.

But let's not get ahead of ourselves here. Because there are plenty more coffee items to examine right now in 2017, like these fascinating coffee squares.

Like the Mocha Joe-Joe's, they feature chocolate elements as well as real ground coffee beans. And to me, once again, the taste heavily favors coffee. The texture is not unlike a typical chocolate bar. It's a smooth, creamy effect, with a bit of that "melts-in-your-mouth" kind of vibe. 

Lacking a candy shell, these squares would easily melt in your hand if not for the convenient, if perhaps a bit wasteful, individual packaging. The bag itself is resealable, with a ziplock at the top—so there's no way you'll find these squares going stale...or doing whatever chocolate does when it's exposed to the air. Speaking of packaging, Sonia noticed that the bag has the same fonts, color schemes, and art work as Trader Joe's Dark Roast Coffee. Interesting. She's got a great eye for design like that.

The squares are fairly filling. One piece at a time is probably enough for the average Trader Joe's shopper. They make a nice after-meal treat. Or I suppose you could even have a couple for breakfast if you're running low on actual java (or Rockstar or black tea or whatever your preferred vehicle of caffeine ingestion may be). 

In the end, I didn't like these as much as the Joe-Joe's, probably because they're so rich, with the coffee flavor coming through a little too much for my personal taste. It makes me want to chug a big glass of water just thinking about the richness of them. But for people with a taste for true coffee flavor, these would be perfect. $2.99 for fourteen squares. 

Four and a half stars from Sonia. Three from me.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Trader Joe's Mocha Joe-Joe's


Dunking these puppies in coffee is something akin to an Americanized Tim Tam Slam. Just as the center of a Tim Tam liquefies in the hot beverage, so too does the creamy center of these mocha-flavored sandwich cookies. And it would disintegrate and fall directly into said mug of hot coffee if not for being slurped up by some fat Yank who should no doubt be eating fewer sandwich cookies.


But if you're gonna splurge and eat sugary sandwich cookies, these are the ones to reach for. I'm not even that big into sandwich cookies in general. And I've mentioned many times that I'm not really a coffee person. But these magical Joe-Joe's are pretty delicioso if I do say so myself.

Sonia, the coffee connoisseur, agrees. She had a mug of coffee made within seconds of getting these cookies in the door, and moments later, these Mocha Joe-Joe's were swimming in java. I must admit, they taste pretty amazing when dunked. I'm guessing hot chocolate would work, too, but for some reason, coffee and these cookies just go a little too well together. Seventy cups to kill a person? I don't think I'd ever go that far. But I think I've already had enough to give me a headache, thanks to these yummy dunkables. They're so good, they hurt.

When consumed sans cafĆ©, they still taste pretty coffee-esque. They do contain real ground coffee beans, but "cocoa" appears even higher on the ingredients list. I guess coffee beans are the more potent of the two, because these cookies are heavy on the coffee side of the mocha equation. They're a little earthy, but they're still very sweet. Flaunting the texture of other classic Joe-Joe's, they're the newest experimental flavor at Trader Joe's, but far more successful than those Mango fellows from last year, if you ask us.

$2.99 for 22 cookies, kosher, tasty, and über-dunkable. Four and a half stars from Sonia, four from me.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.

Friday, March 3, 2017

Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Sea Salt & Malt Vinegar Caramels


Salt and vinegar....a winning combo. I've always liked eating as many salt and vinegar chips as possible before getting overwhelmed by stinging lips. Kinda akin to too many Sour Patch Kids, but in a different way. With Lent upon us here in Pittsburgh, I'm looking forward to dumping some on our Friday night fish dinners - we take them seriously out here - just look at this appropriately black and gold map. Oh the sacrifice.

But while salt and vinegar taste mighty good on chips and fish (as well as fish 'n chips)....with dark chocolate AND caramel as well? What in the...I mean, I know that balsamic vinegar and caramels can be a thing, and a tasty one at that, but this? I'd never try that on my own. But TJ's has, with the introduction of Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Sea Salt & Malt Vinegar Caramels.

It's a mad idea. Possibly brilliant, like the guy who "invented" pet rocks. He made millions. Or idiotic and sloppy, like when I tried singing "Chandelier" at karaoke. One two three, one two three drink indeed.

In actuality, it's somewhere between. The caramels cost $5 for a long skinny boxed tray of seven cubes, so a semi-premium price. Each bite was small, one large or two regular bite sized, with an ample sprinkling of coarse sea salt on top. So, obviously, this is going to be a salty chocolate. And it was, with the sodium being the predominant flavor until striking that caramel reservoir. That caramel...it was smooth and mellow and sugary, but then it hit. The vinegar. But it wasn't unpleasant at all as I feared may be the case. Instead it came in, slipped in a sweet tangy essence, and almost immediately dissipated. There weren't any lingering after-effects or anything that'd make you gag or run for a drink of water. All of this was held together by the representative dark chocolate - the right call for a muted cocoa variety which I'd estimate at about 65% dark. Not unpleasant at all.

Just one of them is really enough, though. I only ate two to try and get a handle on the taste, as did Sandy. I gave the others to coworkers, who all said the same thing: "I like them, but....I'd never buy them." Which is odd because it's exactly how Sandy and I feel. There's nothing wrong with the caramels, and they're actually pretty good for what they are, but I cannot see a compelling scenario where I'd willingly repurchase them. Maybe for a high-fallutin' pinky-liftin' wine-sippin' extravaganza which, well, I've never been to one and will probably not start now. They're good, and glad I tried, and kinda glad I can say I've eaten vinegar flavored chocolate candy now (sounds straight out of Willy Wonka that way), but if I never had another one again, I wouldn't be disappointed at all.

Seems to me they're a fun novelty type item that aren't nearly as weird as one may think, and certainly make a somewhat unique treat. Chances are if you like salted caramel chocolate combos, you'll have no problem with them. Emphasis on salt. No wonderful or perfect way to score them, so absent of unabashed love or repulsive hate, we're going with a three each. Have you tried? If so, comment away!

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Sea Salt & Malt Vinegar Caramels: 6 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Trader Joe's Mini Chocolate Hold the Cone! Ice Cream Cones


These are like little ice cream cones for dolls. Or, if you're a dude, you might prefer action figures. Not that they made food-themed accessories for G.I. Joes... But hey, I just thought of something: what if G.I. Joe actually IS Trader Joe? Like, he retired from active military service and then used his international contacts from around the world to ship various foods to his trading post..? They're both elusive to the media, they stay out of the limelight, they have extensive foreign connections, and they're both named JOE. Coincidence?


At any rate, these cones look and feel like they should be eaten by toys...or very young children...or very small people. But make no mistake, they are made of actual ice cream. And they will melt if you let them. But they won't. Because it takes about three seconds to eat one.

They're snackable, if perhaps a tad gimmicky. The chocolate ice cream is sweet and flavorful. The coating is firm, crisp, and chocolatey, and the cone is nice and fresh for a cone that's been frozen, ostensibly for weeks or months, and heavily packaged. Eight in a box, $2.99 for the set. The vanilla flavor was unavailable at the particular TJ's we shopped at last week, although I'm sure we would have enjoyed them at least as much as the chocolate variety.

These would be great for parties. They're more hors d'oeuvres-ish than your average Nutty Buddy ice cream cone or Drumstick or what have you. And I guess you could make the "built-in portion control" argument if you have a nasty ice cream addiction or something, but they're simply not practical for everyday snacking. For that reason, Sonia gives them only three and a half stars. See the picture above for hand to mouth to cone size ratios. Keep in mind, if anything, Sonia's hands and mouth are slightly more diminutive and daintier than a normal person's—er, I mean the average person's. 

I can't punish these little fellas for not being something they're not even trying to be. They're yum-tastic and perfect for group snacking. Four stars from me.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Monday, February 27, 2017

Trader Joe's Sumatra Coffee Brownies

Moist.

Ugh. Don't you just hate that word?

"Moist" doesn't bother me too much (I'm more bothered by double negatives and the word "notate" not being used to mean composing musical score), but man, most people hate the word. It's kinda a big thing. Eh well. To each their own, and if you're part of the moist-hating crowd, so be it.

Too bad so many people hate the word "moist" because it's a great word to describe the perfect brownie...and very apt to describe Trader Joe's Sumatra Coffee Brownies.

If you like dried up crusty corner brownies, stay away. These sumatra brownies are super moist in the most perfect of brownie ways...thick and fudgy and rich. Soft. Chewy. And definitely not dry in the least. It's almost like they were brought out of the over a few minutes early.

Yet by some odd mad science of baking, there's a perfectly crispy outer shell layer. The crust is perfect, just thick enough to hold the whole shebang together without getting your fingers messy, with only the smidgiest smidge of grease, with a little coffee dust (presumably) on top.

And taste...oh man. I've already used the word "rich" and that is an understatement. Very chocolatey, in a very deep way. The coffee element is a little more subtle, but definitely present. It'd probably be enough to have the kiddos make a face, even if you were one to give them a coffee-laced sugar hit - hey, I don't judge.

There's so little to not like. I can't think of much. One brownie is more than enough for Sandy and I to share - only a few bites is just enough and not too much. Which will bring me to the one odd point, because hey, it's TJ's were talking about...the packaging. Four brownies inside the bag, and they're packaged in twos - why not either each seperately, or all together? By twos seems odd. No matter.

Not much else to say. For these little moist morsels, there's nothing I can notate that's not good. We've had them three nights in a row now and still can't find a single complaint. Perfect fives from the wife and me.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Sumatra Coffee Brownies: 10 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Trader Joe's Pear & Persimmon Tarte

My father is getting married today. Never thought I'd live to see the day. He clearly doesn't share my disdain for Valentine's Day, but even I must admit that V.D. is just as good a time as any to tie the knot. 

I just hope the happy couple's commitment to one another transcends the triviality of this silly holiday. Sonia and I don't know his new bride particularly well, but we trust the old man knows what he's doing.

It's kind of like pears and persimmons. We both know pears like the back of our hands, but persimmons are a bit more of a mystery to us. Can the couple work together? 

In this case, yes they can. Sonia and I shared this tarte as a romantic non-Valentine's treat. We both enjoyed it. We tasted the sweetness of the pears in the filling, but we had a hard time picking out the taste and texture of the persimmons. 

I tried to pull my old Wikipedia trick where I read a paragraph or two and try to sound like an expert when I regurgitate the knowledge in my own words on this blog. Either my brain isn't functioning at full capacity today or this particular Wikipedia contributor just went above and beyond what the average layman wants to know about persimmons, but there was just too much talk of tannins, astringency, and bletting to wrap my brain around at this juncture. But if you want to give it a shot, be my guest: Persimmon - Wikipedia.

What I can tell you is that this tarte is tasty. The crust is buttery and soft, and the filling is sweet and fruity. There are chunks of pears and, we assume, persimmons as well. There was even "spiced frangipane" almond paste in the breading. It was most noticeable in the outer sections where the fruit filling was more sparse. Nutty, sweet, and delicious.

It's a very high quality tarte at a very reasonable price ($1.99). An hour to thaw and 10 minutes in the oven? Even I can do that...and I did. In fact, that's my hand in that oven mitt. Sonia's proven her worth in the kitchen many, many times over, but I'm still a little challenged in the field of "domestic sciences."

I guess the takeaway here is that unexpected couplings can work. Pears and persimmons are just like rama lamma lamma ka dinga da dinga dong. 


Plus, Happy Valentine's if you're into that whole thing. And congrats to Dad and Patty.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Friday, February 10, 2017

Trader Joe's Apple Raspberry and Apple Apricot Dried Fruit Bars

Just in case Trader Joe is neglecting to push his latest offerings on me in the checkout area like Heisenberg peddling a fresh batch of Blue Ice, every once in a while, I like to glance at that little out-of-the-way section where most Trader Joe's stores like to stash their inexpensive fruit bars, fruit leather, and fruit snacky type things, often in a rustic wooden rack or small woven baskets. That's where I discovered these Apple Raspberry and Apple Apricot Dried Fruit Bars.

We've seen quite a few incarnations of these fruit strips throughout the years, including: Fiberful Handmade Dried Fruit Bars, Organic 100% Natural Fruit Wraps, and several different Apple + Fruit bars. Here's our take on this newest gluten-free, kosher version, straight outta New Zealand (you'd think they'd offer Apple Kiwi flavor, no?)



Bottom line: 7 out of 10.



Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Trader Joe's Honey Butter Flavored Potato Chips

 With so much drama with these HBCs
It'll be kinda hard eating the whole B-A-double-G
But, somehow, some way
I keep munchin these funky lil chips like every single day...

Whoo boy, let's just stop while we're somewhat ahead. Sorry if this disappoints, but no more rap parodies here. Least not with Snoop Dogg....too much "creative editing" involved.

So let's just talk some Trader Joe's Honey Butter Flavored Potato Chips.

Lots of different crazy chip flavors out there, and apparently, honey butter chips (HBCs if you're into the whole acronym thing) were a craze a year or three ago that I, in typical me fashion, completely missed out on. But TJ's to the rescue! Now if they could only also sell Game of Thrones DVDs so I can see what that whole fuss is about.

But honestly, if these chips are a representative of most honey butter chips, I don't see what the huge fuss is/was. There's nothing really particularly standout about them, and in fact, taste downright odd. The only reason I kept eating them was because I was first kinda repulsed, then somewhat intrigued, followed by kinda bewildered, and finally indifferent.

This is basically how the flavor goes: initial hit of creaminess, like a sour cream based chip without the inherent tanginess, followed by either a semi-salty or kinda faintly sweet hit. There is a honey flavor, but light, definitely subtle. Absolutely, um, "laid back." And not present at every bite, so there's an uneven aspect at play here, especially when the first hits of butteriness fade away. More often than not, it seems like the flavor just kinda divebombs away, and somehow the remaining chip taste seems almost bitter while still faintly sweet at the same time. The fine folks who developed these chips need to put their mind on the honey, and the honey on their mind to make a better chip.

Sorry, that was just a little too easy.

Anyways, the chips are crispy, munchy, okay for a snack but won't trigger a selfgorging. Which is a plus. Also: check out them calories. Only 70 for a typical 1 oz serving?** I checked another bag of chips Sandy's mom had around - over twice as many for same size serving. So another plus.

Honestly, in the end, I'm not entirely sure what to think of them. Neither is Sandy. There's no love or hatred...just kinda indifference. I won't tell you to not try them, but there's no sense storming the TJ castle for the honey chips either. Which is kinda disappointing to me - I wanted to love them, but nah. Matching threes from us.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Honey Butter Flavored Potato Chips: 6 out of 10 Golden Spoons
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**UPDATE!: One of our Facebook fans reported seeing a sign at their local store stating the calorie info was mislabeled on these bags, and the chips are actually more in the typical150 calories/serving range. Does anyone have more info about this?