Trader Joe's Organic Banana Fruit Spread

Hello friends! Last week was a bit of a tough week for the Western Pennsylvania division of the WGaTJ's-writin' team, and it's good to be back. Both my lovely bride and I came down with a case of the 'rona and were basically knocked out of commission for a few days. Thankfully, we're almost fully recovered by now. Big thanks to those crazy lovebirds Nathan and Sonia for holding down the fort once again while we were more squarely on the mend. 

It's not to say we're completely symptom free right now. My tastebuds still aren't working quite right. Everything tastes okay...but nothing tastes good. Coffee just tastes all around awful, as if I'm having it for the first time again. Of course, this is better than how Sandy is doing - she can barely smell and her sense of taste  is slowly crawling back from completely on its way to mostly dead. 

So in other words, it's baby steps from here back to full hitpoints. We'll take it. 

And if you're taking baby steps, you may as well eat baby food. 

I've heard Trader Joe's Organic Banana Fruit Spread referred to as rather baby food-esque in other social media I've been scrolling through. Didn't know if to believe it or not, or if so if TJ's could do themselves a marketing favor by slapping a baby kangaroo on the label and rebranding it as "Trader Joey's."

Nah, they shouldn't. There's too much added sugar for that. 

Really, all this spread is made of is banana, sugar and pectin. It' soft and spreadable like a nonchunky jam. The spread is smooth and even, with an odd kinda sheen to it, that definitely evokes professionally mashed banana. It's wholly a bit familiar and odd at once. 

And as may have to be my disclaimer over the next few weeks, my taste may be a bit askew but all I can taste is banana with added sugar. The result isn't candylike, like a banana runt, but still the sweetness of a banana amped up while the other features are left in check. It seems a bit off, and not, for me, 100% enjoyable. I tried some by itself, and on a waffle with a little peanut butter and chocolate chip, and both times I came to the conclusion I would have preferred a plainer, more natural banana flavor. but I guess then TJ's wouldn't have much of a product to sell, so maybe this just isn't for me. 

Our kids will probably go ape for it though, and in the end the 'nana spread seems to be a relatively alright jar of jam or jelly, so if they like it, full speed ahead, ya little monsters. 

I'm a solid meh. Sandy, with her zero taste right now, doesn't have much of an opinion but noted it does have a pleasing enough texture at the very least. Put as down as a meh for both how we're feeling and how we're rating this product, and we''ll be glad to revisit later. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Organic Banana Fruit Spread: 6 out of 10 Golden Spoons

 

Trader Joe's Chile Spiced Pineapple

Perhaps this is not a universal truth, but here in Pittsburgh it is: No matter how cold it is, you'll definitely see a guy wearing shorts. 

Sure, it's true now, at the end of February and us going through the interminable "false spring" where temps hit the 50s before plunging back to subzero the following week. heck, I was the dude in dungarees earlier today. But even in the midst of coldest, darkest, polar vortex-est winter, you'll see it: a guy wearing shorts. Guaranteed. 

What's this have to do with Trader Joe's Chile Spiced pineapple? Glad you asked. The answer is, obviously,, well...ummm..you see...no idea. Something something promise of warmth and perhaps summery but really not quite there and quit fooling yourself. Yeah...something like that. 

I picked up a small sack of eight slices on my latest TJ's run. No idea if they're newish or not, but I hadn't seen them before, and thought them to be a summery looking bite, with perhaps a little intrigue. For less than $3, it was an easy sell.

The actual product though? Ugh. It fails to deliver, with seemingly a two fold problem. 

First: the actual texture. I was expecting dried pineapple like the little chunks, you'd find ain a snack mix. You know, dry, kinda chalky, a wee bit stiff and fibrous. That's a great texture. these rings, though? They're soft and pliable and rubbery, as if they were halfbaked. Like a bad fruit jerky. It's not a pleasing or texture to have to try and rip off chunks with your teeth instead of a cleaner bite. No thanks. 

But then here's the rub...literally. That chile seasoning is not so great, and it's easy to see why. but first, a little background: if you're not familiar with pineapple, it's sweet with a lot of sugar. The pineapple here is a regular pineapple, just strangely chewier. So, innately speaking, there's already  plenty of sugar....so WHY ADD MORE SUGAR TO A SPICE RUB FOR SOMETHING ALREADY SO SUGARY??? A rub like this might work on a pork butt but a sugary fruit? No! The result is an over cloyingly sweet taste trying to balance out some seasoned burn from chile peppers and friends let me tell you that this isn't happening here. It's all out of whack and just not very good. Barely any spice can be detected - a little, but not enough, especially for how red and potent each slice appears to be. 

Not a fan. I'll finish the bag...eventually....maybe...and be done with it for good. I just don't like being left out in the cold like that. My lovely bride isn't much of a fan either. I think we'll be nice and somehow give the psuedo-spicy sugary pineapple chew rings a 3 between us. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Chile Spiced Pineapple: 3 out of 10 Golden Spoons

 

Trader Joe's Plantain Croutons

As a young kid if I were to be at a restaurant with a salad bar, here's precisely what my plate would look like if given the chance: piles of shredded cheese. A couple cucumber slices. Maybe some sliced bell peppers. Handfuls of bacon bits, even more so if those little generic red tinged Bacos or even worse, generic Bacos. A couple of those mini cookies or muffins that are always there. And a tiny piece of lettuce to let my mom know that I, indeed, had made a grown up salad. 

And croutons. Hills and mountain ranges of croutons. 

I mean, what kid doesn't like croutons? My kids love them and call them "crunchers" or "crunchies" or "munchies" or whatever else pops in their head. They eat them by the handful, happily. generally speaking, croutons are classic, and it's really hard to mess with classics. You gotta be fearless. 

Fearlessly indeed, here's Trader Joe's Plantain Croutons. 

What the what? Imagine the classic basic garlic crouton, and instead of the crunchy, bready bite, it's the starchy banana/potato crossover that's been popping up more and more at TJ's. Plantains are the next mango or cookie butter (and they pair well with both!). 

The croutons themselves are far tinier than most of their carby counterparts, and it's for good reason. Whereas regular croutons are still quite crunchy, there's still the softer toasty touch that make them manageably munchable for most. They can afford to be the size they are. It's not quite the case here. These plantain nibs are denser, cruncher, much harder to chew through. Use caution with small kids (between size and density, they're potential choking hazards) or expensive dental work. It's not enough to be offputting to me, but it's absolutely noticeable if you're craving the reliable comfort vibe of a regular ol' crouton. 

Aside from that, it's straight up crouton. There's plenty of garlic - more than expected, my grandma (rest her soul) would appreciate them - and perhaps they're a little heavy on the salt too. I'm not sure if that's just more noticeable since it's a plantain or if it's deliberate on behalf of the manufacturers because it's a plantain and so you have to counterbalance the natural sweetness and starches of a plantain. But it works. 

Gluten free and vegan. Always a plus. They're acceptable crouton-like crunchy cubes for the masses! YAYYYY! *Kermit arms*

I actually haven't had them on a salad, though they'd work well. Instead, I've had them more as a quick afternoon snack here and there. Salad, soups, etc for use, and just now typing this up I wonder if they'd work in something like a homemade Chex Mix. Gonna have to find out. Not quite double fours from my lovely bride and me. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Plantain Croutons: 7.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons

 

Trader Joe's Cranberry Orange Relish

Apparently there are some cran-haters out there, but I ain't one of 'em. I love me some cranberries. Especially this time of year. Oh how I love the sweet-tartness, the tang, the taste of cranberries. But then, hmmm, it occurs to me that I've never eaten an actual cranberry. I really don't think I've ever had one in my life. I mean, I've had "craisins," which are dried cranberry raisin-esque thingies. And also, apparently, that name is trademarked by Ocean Spray, so it's actually Craisins®. Please don't sue us, Ocean Spray.

I've had cranberry sauce, cranberry jam, cranberry juice, cranberry juice mixed with literally every other kind of fruit juice, and cranberries baked into all sorts of confections. But why on earth haven't I ever eaten a plump, juicy cranberry straight off the vine...? Bush...? Tree...? I don't even know where cranberries grow.

Oh well. It may be some time before I eat an actual whole cranberry in its natural state, but thanks to long-time reader and commenter NJ-to-TX, I was recently reminded of this product, which I'd heard about before, but never really paid much attention to—and lemme tell ya' it's crantastic. It's been around Trader Joe's for a long, long time. And, as is usually the case with such a product, that's a testament to its scrumptiousness.

This stuff is sweet. It's very sweet. It's actually a bit sweeter than traditional cranberry sauce by my estimation, and you'd expect it to be so with 25g of sugar per serving. There's plenty of tartness, too, to make it a little less like a candy and more like a condiment.

There are exactly three ingredients: cranberries, sugar, and oranges. I'm a little surprised sugar isn't the number one ingredient, but I guess cranberries are a little sweet on their own. There's definitely more cranberry flavor, while the citrus kick of the orange is more subtle and understated. It's a beautiful balance of the constituent flavors.

Channeling my ten-year-old self that zeroed in on cranberry sauce over any other dish on the Thanksgiving Day table, I took bite after bite straight out of tub upon first opening it. Sonia was less enthused to consume it plain, and like a real adult, prefers it on turkey, tofurkey, stuffing, and/or mashed potatoes. It does go VERY well with all of those things, but I'd get creative and try it in pies, as a dip for chicken nuggets, or whatever ridiculous combo pops into my foodie-hack brain at the moment.

If you haven't checked it out, I recommend trying this in place of traditional cranberry sauce at your Turkey Day meal. $3.49 for the 6 serving tub. Four and a half stars from me. Three and a half from Sonia.

Bottom line: 8 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Apple Cider Fruit Spread

Exactly 400 years ago today, the Mayflower arrived at what is now known as Cape Cod, Massachusetts. The Pilgrims had been at sea for 66 days. They weathered heavy storms between England and the New World, many had been severely ill during their journey, and one sailor even died. They nearly lost one of their main masts but were able to repair it as they traveled.

Their first winter in America was even more harsh than their voyage across the Atlantic. Nearly half of all the Pilgrims perished in the next few months. The First Thanksgiving wouldn't take place until over a year after their first landing. By then they had food, shelter, and Native American friends, but the road to that point was a long and bumpy one. I was originally going to segue with something about apples, but turns out apples didn't even exist in North America at the time. So I'll go with this: the point is that they never gave up, not even in the darkest winter.

Likewise, Trader Joe's never gave up on this product—or, more precisely, its predecessor, the Apple Cider Jam. I thought it seemed popular enough and it was definitely good enough, but Trader Joe's saw fit to rename, repackage, and reformulate it, resulting in the fruit spread you see here. It could be they just went with a different supplier, but who knows? Honestly, who cares? Because this version is at least as good as the last.

At first glance, the spread seems to have virtually identical ingredients to the jam. But upon closer inspection, we see that the sugar is now "organic cane sugar." Okay, that's good. There's "apple juice" in this one, rather than "cider" in its predecessor. Hmm, weird. But if anything, I think it makes this iteration just a hint sweeter. Also, this version actually lists "cinnamon, mace (not like pepper spray) cloves, ginger, coriander, allspice, and cardamom" rather than simply the mysterious and vague "spices" noted in the older version. It's a great spice blend to complement the sweetness, not overpowering at all, but festive and fall-ish.

It could be my imagination, but I think the apple chunks here are more angular and irregular than the jam version. It was almost as if the chunks were all the same size and somewhat cubicle shaped before, while these are more random. It feels like someone cut these apple chunks by hand while the other chunks felt like they were diced by a machine.

Like the original, this one is great on toast with cream cheese, plain yogurt, waffles, as a filling for a pie, or as a baste for poultry—I'd totally try it on a Thanksgiving turkey. We even used it as a marmalade type sauce for fried butterfly shrimp and we both loved it. At $3.49, this one's a tad cheaper and it's still the same size jar (12oz).

Four and a half stars a piece from Sonia and me.

Bottom line: 9 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Nantucket Style Cranberry Pie

Writing this in the wee morning hours of a near sleepless night on the first Wednesday after the first Tuesday after the first Monday of a November that is (hopefully) nearing the culmination of yet another four year cycle that's been unlike any most of us have been around for, in a year like no other...there's a lot of different ways I could go with this next thought, but none of you are here for that. 

You're here for the pie! 

Specifically, Trader Joe's Nantucket Style Cranberry Pie.

Saying this while knocking on wood, no matter what lies ahead, Thanksgiving is a few weeks away. It's my favorite holiday of the year. It may look and feel different this year - Zoom calls and not card tables and folding chairs and all - but, no matter what, I'd like to focus on what I have to be thankful for. I urge you to do the same. Maybe give this a read if you need a nudge. 

Anyways, on to the Nantucket pie. Oh the limericks going thru my head right now. Is this a thing up there? Gonna have to check 'em out sometime. 

Do you like cranberries? If so you're gonna love this pie. that's the case with us. Tart, sweet, firm, a little smushy and jelled up - though there's a place in my heart for the stuff from a can, this is the real cranberry sauce kinda deal. Even better, there's a few walnuts sprinkled in. I emphasize a few. That's my only real complaint - a couple more crunchy walnuts would make this pie an absolute winner.

The crust almost makes up for it. Almost. It's not quite shortbready, but it's not plain ol' plain ol' either. I'm not sure what the proper classification is, except tasty. i can live with tasty. Can you? Good. 

It's $6.99 for the pie. Best deal in the world? Nah. but for something tasty and easy to put on the table, it's not awful at all either. Found in the freezer section, you can either thaw it at room temp for a couple hours - previous experience with this method suggests the longer the better - or you can stick in the oven, paper dish and all, for about 20 minutes then let cool to room temp. While not sure if a traditional way to enjoy or not, a little whipped cream or vanilla ice cream doesn't seem completely out of line.

As an added bonus, my kids (who I am continually thankful for, despite my thinning hairline and wallet thanks to them) don't really like cranberries...so more dessert for me!

Give it a try. As with most anything else, I truly hope everyone gets their piece of the pie they want and deserve. We'll give this one a good score.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Nantucket Style Cranberry pie: 8.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons

 

Trader Joe's Apple Fruit Snacks Mango Jalapeño

While not quite completely in love with the analogy, it does make the point so I'm just gonna roll with it. 

If my house were a prison, and my family the inmates, fruit snacks would likely be the equivalent of cigarettes. This excludes my lovely bride, which works because if we're going this way with with the metaphor I may as well just call her the warden. Just don't put me in solitary, babe.

Fruit snacks are not just for bribery or trade. As evidenced by the occasional trove of found and opened wrappers, we all got a stash somewhere that gets sourced from the large Costco box in the basement. I work down here all day, so when I need an early afternoon sugar hit, it's the easy get. We've found them in couch cushions, in kid's beds, stuffed in pockets at laundry time, tucked away inconspicuously in the trash, beside the beer fridge...you name it. But there's a bit of the code: don't touch my stash, I won't touch yours.  Not that there's not temptation to do so.

With the introduction of Trader Joe's Apple Fruit Snacks Mango Jalapeño, we may have found a basis for a truce. In the words of the great James Brown, papa's got a brand new bag. 

The magic word here is "jalapeño." My kids see that, figure they're way too spicy, and spicy fruit snacks sound weird anyways, so they'll just pass without question, leaving me with the whole bag to consume at my speed and not worrying about little grubby hands sneaking in. 

That being said, the jalapeño really does add a nice little touch, more on the backside of the flavor experience. It takes few chews to kinda get it going, as the fruits take first turn. These fruit snacks are primarily fruit based, with natural fiber and just a touch of pectin, instead of corn syrups and starches and whatever else, so there's legit verifiable actual apple and mango going in here, which balance out each other well in a sweet, understated yet flavorful way. The little specks of jalapeño add just the smidgiest of amounts of noticeable heat. It's delicious, kinda like a decent simple fruit salsa in fruit snack form, if that makes any sense. 

Going back to the ingredients, this shouldn't be a surprise, but if you were expecting/hoping for the big soft gummy kinda of fruit snacks, these are not them. Move along. Instead, the snacks are more of a tougher, more fibrous variety, kinda like fruit leather chunked up instead of rolled out. Those with dental work, be appropriately cautious. At least they're not really all that sticky or anything. I just noticed all the mango jalapeño guys are actually shaped like little hot peppers. That's so cute! I love it.

I think the pouch was only about $2 or maybe $3 at most, which is a decent enough deal for the 5ish servings each contain. That's good enough of a deal to make them a regular buy. Not sure what all else to say, so time to lock down this review. Double fours. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Apple Fruit Snacks Mango Jalapeño: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons

 

Trader Joe's Crispy Banana Ribbons

This blog's been around for over a decade now. I'm not sure how many readers have been with us since the beginning, but I'm willing to bet virtually none of you would remember a random post from, say, 2013. In our review of Trader Joe's Banana Chips, there was a candid discussion between Sonia and me in regards to her experience—or lack thereof—with banana chips. I'm thinking I could just drop that little introductory passage into this review and pass it off as something new. Nobody would notice, right?

Ah, maybe I'll try something sneaky like that in the near future, but for now, I'll just leave you with a link to that old-school review. It's relevant because banana chips are the obvious comparison everyone's going to make with these new schnazzily-packaged "ribbons," right? Of course.

But before we get into the "chips vs ribbons" compare and contrast session that seems so unavoidable in this review, let's look at the fancy resealable bag we have here. It's a bright, eye-catching yellow, which is fun, if perhaps a bit obnoxious. The ribbons look more like frosted pieces of jagged glass on the artwork. They seem to be exploding, sending shards of sharp banana in all directions. It makes the snack seem far more frightening and dangerous than it is in real life.

The ribbons are moderately crispy, though softer overall than a banana chip, and much thinner. They're indeed ribbon-esque, as they appear to be lengthwise slices from down the side of the banana rather than circular cross-sections, as is the case with traditional banana chips. 

I want to say there's slightly less of that FrankenNana effect you get with banana chips. Some banana chips taste and feel like they've been encased in amber for a millennia or two, however, if you told me these ribbons were sliced and packaged last week, I'd believe you.

I think these are slightly sweeter than banana chips, too. The "hint of glaze" is apparently made of rice bran oil, sugar, and salt. It doesn't make the ribbons seem candy-coated, but subtly bumps them in the direction of "sweet treat" just a tad further than an actual banana.

I think we both enjoy these just a wee bit more than we enjoy banana chips, and like banana chips, Sonia seems just a little more enamored than I am. Not sure if they'll be a repeat purchase for us, but if you're into banana-based snacks, you'll probably appreciate them at least as much as we did.

$2.99 for the 3 oz package. Four stars from Sonia. Three and a half from me.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Organic Sweet & Spicy Pineapple BBQ Sauce

Always gotta be on the lookout for a new barbecue sauce around these parts. Always, but especially this past spring and summer, because, well, you know. All this extra "free time" at home has meant my grill and smoker have gotten more of a workout since March than all previous years accumulated in totality. Not much else to really do, you know, other than sit outside with a cold beer or three and watch the kids in the sprinkler while prepping some tasty, homecooked food. It's not that bad.

And seasonings and flavors? You gotta do them right. Granted, a little S&P is the choice for me for steaks, which are a (medium) rare treat, but stuff like pulled pork or ribs or grilled chicken need a little saucy action more times than not...

...which makes them perfect for Trader Joe's Organic Sweet & Spicy Pineapple BBQ Sauce.

Love it! This is one pretty terrific sauce, and pretty new unless I am somehow mistaken. Do you like pineapple? Do you like barbecue sauce? Does the idea of the two of them together sound even remotely appetizing? Then you'll love this stuff, I can (almost) guarantee it.

At the base is a pretty strong, traditional style BBQ sauce. Dare I even say Kansas City-esque style? That sounds about right. It's thick and goopy with a bite of tang but a little heavy on the black pepper for a little extra kick. All that is delicious, of course, but a little plain by itself...

Enter pineapple.

Granted, it's not overflowing with citrusy pineapple taste, but it's definitely there, as a balanced extra dose of sweetness and tang that mingles in well with the rest of the sauce. If trying the TJ sauce by itself, the pineapple doesn't stand out as more than a hint or two, but when heated and basted it definitely expresses itself more strongly, but never too much. Indeed, the sauce sides more towards spicy than sweet, as our kiddos will sure attest to.

Winner winner. We like it, and it serves as a great summery mix up to one of our still standing all time favorites. Gonna stock up on this while we can...never know what's gonna happen next. Til then, we grill. Double fours.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Organic Sweet & Spicy Pineapple BBQ Sauce: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Sparkling Black Tea with Peach Juice Beverage

There's some pretty ridiculous things to read out there these days. Most comment sections of anything, depending on your definition of ridiculous - it's not always haha funny but often times facepalm inducing. Except here, of course. And there's things like the Birds Aren't Real conspiracy theories - the whole quarantine thing going on is to change their batteries - or Letterkenny scripts so you can read what you mighta missed...and on, and on, and on, with all the time we got on our hands these days.

And there's some little, smaller, more subtle gems like Trader Joe's Sparkling Black tea with Peach Juice Beverage.

It's tea...with juice...that's a beverage.

I mean, how many redundant synonyms must we go through to get the idea that this is in fact a drink?

One could argue that the terms black tea and peach juice are more adjective than noun
. but just calling it "Sparkling Black Tea with Peach Juice" is perfectly adequate without tacking on beverage. Heck, you could likely squeeze out the juice too.

There's another little gem on the package as well: "Once can is opened, keep refrigerated and consume within 1 day." C'mon now. these are packaged inside those teeny tiny little cans, the ones that seem so trendy these days. It's not all that difficult to drain all contents in one go if one were to feel inclined. The only scenario I can envision not finishing a can of this size is sheer forgetfulness or neglect, in which case it will likely not end up in the fridge anyways...which is how everyone else in my house aside from me seems to operate.

Anyways, all that aside, I love this new addition to the TJ's summertime lineup. If peach tea is your thing, you'll love it. It's fun to drink - I thought, going in, that fizzy tea might be a bit odd, but nah, it works. All those happy little bubbles floating their way on down adds a great little touch. For flavor, the classic black tea taste is complemented nicely and crisply with the peach, and from the looks of things, real peach too, none of that from concentrate stuff. It's light and sweet but never sticky or overbearing or has the feel of being fancy-shmancy sugar water. Nope. it's just good honest liquid refreshment for this horrid summer months.

A four-pack will set ya back about $3, or maybe it's $4. Once again, I lost the receipt. How many times have you read that on this blog? Ridiculous. I'm a sucker for home brewed sweet tea, so i'm not gonna say this is my new summer drink of choice (especially because I have my doubts of how well it'd mix with anything boozy) but it'll be a repeat buy for sure. Double fours.

Bottom line:  Trader Joe's Sparkling Black Tea with Peach Juice Beverage: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons.

Trader Joe's Pineapple Cottage Cheese

Growing up adjacent to Pennsylvania Dutch country, I was introduced to cottage cheese and apple butter at an early age. I've always loved that combo. My family would frequent the local Bonanza Steakhouse when I was a kid, and I remember hitting up the salad bar repeatedly to fill plate after plate with globs of cottage cheese topped with generous amounts of apple butter. My parents would even scold me and remind me to save room for the main course. I always had juuust enough appetite left to shovel down my child-size portion of fried shrimp with cocktail sauce.

Since then, I've learned that various fruits pair well with cottage cheese. I love it with pears, peaches, grapes...and most recently, pineapple chunks. Up to this point, I've always just added my own, although I'm aware there are numerous other pre-mixed cottage cheese and pineapple offerings.

Since pineapple is so naturally sweet, I was surprised to see both "sugar" and "brown sugar" as part of the pineapple base in this product. There's a total of 5g of added sugars in the tub, which isn't too bad, I suppose, but I honestly prefer cottage cheese with nothing but fruit—apple butter being the one exception.

But if I'm not comparing it to anything else, this combo tastes pretty good and isn't bad for a cheap snack at $1.19. Cottage cheese always packs a significant amount of protein without a ton of calories and fat, and the tub is the perfect size for a single-serving blood sugar booster. 

I'd really have liked a lot more pineapple, though. The bits in the container are miniscule and few and far between. The pineapple base is a thin yellowish jam-like substance, and both the fruit and the pineapple base come on the bottom of the plastic tub and must be stirred in manually, in the manner of fruit-on-the-bottom yogurt. It's definitely sweet and pineappley, but you can still taste the curdy creaminess of cottage cheese, as well.

For the sake of convenience and value, I'd consider purchasing this product again, but if you've got actual pineapple on hand and can add it to plain cottage cheese yourself, I think that's a better option, all things considered. Sonia concurs. Three out of five stars from Sonia, three and a half from me.

Bottom line: 6.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Organic Cold Pressed Orange Juice

Lots of things seem backwards and out of order these days. You don't need me telling you that.

But man...if I can't even make sense out of a product name, that's when I know I'm in trouble.

See this: Is this Trader Joe's Organic Cold Pressed Orange Juice? That's a logical name to me. But that's not what the label says. It says: Trader Joe's Organic Orange Juice Cold Pressed from top to bottom. If a little punctuation were tossed in, say, to make it Organic Orange Juice - Cold Pressed or even Organic Orange Juice, Cold Pressed, those make sense to me too. But not as it is. And since my teachers always urged me to think outside the box, I'm not relying on the green background rhombi for too much clarity, and instead will name this product based solely on what makes most sense to me.

Call it focusing on what I can control. It's what I (we?) all need right now, even in small instances.

Whatever this OJ is actually called, it's good! Cold pressed juices always seem to get the very best out of its ingredients. I don't profess to know the magic behind it, but man, love the results, time and time again.

TJ's cold pressed OJ, new out, is no exception. It's of medium consistency, with some pulp but not too much. Most folks would find it accessible in that regard, I think. And it's nothing but oranges either - no added sugar or water or anything, so results may vary bottle to bottle. But it tastes like pure, unadulterated orange - tangy, ripe, sweet but not too much of any of those - in a bright, citrusy fashion Tasty enough to savor despite my inner compulsion to chug.

The price is a little debatable, or could be to some. Cold pressed juices tend to be pricier, and at $1.99 for a small single serving bottle, you can make out of that as you will. It strikes me as fair enough, but not a price that I'd willingly stock up on for every day use.

And of course, it's got all the vitamins and minerals and goodie-goodies. Loads of Vitamin C - it's nearly twice the daily recommended in just one bottle. And that even in "normal" times isn't a bad thing. Scurvy anyone? No thanks.

But I enjoyed my bottle full, and kinda hoping that the extra one I bought theoretically for my lovely bride will be ignored over the next couple days to the point where I wouldn't feel guilty partaking of it. That's not under my control, naturally, but then again, what really is when it comes down to it?

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Organic Cold Pressed Orange Juice: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons.

Trader Joe's Organic Acai Bowl

I've rambled on before about how I'm a fan of acai and I used to down multiple acai smoothies every week. The smoothie joints I frequented sold acai bowls, too, but I always stuck to smoothies for a number of reasons, most notably that the bowls were a little pricier—in the ballpark of $7 a pop.

So at $3.99, this selection was a bargain. It had a good mix of the acai base, berries, and granola topping. Fruit-wise, there were lots of big strawberry slices, nice plump whole blueberries, but I didn't notice as many banana slices in my bowl. They were far and few between, and I wouldn't have minded a good bit more of them. There was, however, plenty of granola for my taste—just enough to make things crunchy. The coconut slivers added a bit of...well, coconuttiness, I guess, and it all blended together pretty well with the lightly sweetened, rich acai berry flavor.

The most frustrating aspect of this product was preparing it. I wish I'd thought ahead and used the refrigerator method of defrosting: just take out of the freezer and let thaw in fridge overnight. The preparation instructions for procrastinators like me involved popping the product in and out of the microwave numerous times, stirring it the first time, and then checking to see whether it's thawed or not on each subsequent occasion. It specifies to heat "in 15 second intervals" after an initial period of 45 seconds. I felt like I was walking a thin line between an ice cold solid block of frozen fruits and a piping hot bowl of acai soup. But I did manage to end the process somewhere in the middle, although the acai base was much more thawed than the fruit chunks. Throw room-temperature granola into the mix, and you've got three distinct climates in one tiny bowl. A lot of stirring seemed to abate that issue, for the most part anyway.

There aren't many breakfast foods I can think of that would pack more nutrition and energy into a single serving than Trader Joe's Organic Acai Bowl. It's extremely filling for so relatively few calories. Obviously fruits and granola are great for sustained energy and nutrition, and acai is known to be high in fiber and it contains a natural stimulant that provides energy without the typical "caffeine crash." All things considered, I'm a fan.

Sonia sat this one out. She would have liked it if I had saved any for her.

Bottom line: 7.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Fig Butter

Ah, the wondrous fig. Did you know that figs aren't technically fruit? They're inverted flowers. And did you further know that there are, in fact, dead wasps inside each fig? Not particularly appetizing. But not to worry, the wasps are completely digested by the fruit—er, flower—by the time they're turned into delicious fig butter. Yum?

Anyway, this fig butter has been around Trader Joe's for a long, long time. It's been a mainstay on their shelves and in our pantry for years. Some time ago, Sonia took a recommendation from a TJ's employee to put fig butter and almond butter in a sandwich together. It has completely replaced peanut butter and jelly in her diet. I'll admit, it's a tasty combo, but nothing can take the place of good old PB & J for this guy.

Still, there are many uses for this yumtastic fig butter. I'll have toast with cream cheese and fig butter on occasion. It goes well with goat cheese and crackers. I'm sure you could use it as a glaze for certain meats, a topping for puff pastries, or even in a salad dressing mixture. What else could you do with Trader Joe's Fig Butter? You could make figgy pudding I suppose. Then when those carolers come around next holiday season you could really surprise them when they get around to that obnoxious verse in We Wish You A Merry Christmas.

It's naturally sweet, mostly smooth, and has just a bit of grit from the seeds. No, those aren't wasp parts, at least according to that article I linked to in the first paragraph.

This might be Sonia's favorite Trader Joe's product of all time. "Simply scrumptious," she says. Perfect five stars from her for this fig butter. I like it a lot, too. Four stars from me. I can't believe we didn't review this earlier. Better late than never, I suppose.

Bottom line: 9 out of 10.

Trader Joe's Savory Banana & Nuts Trek Mix

Actual email I sent my wife from work this past week:

"Ummm...bad news for you....I really wanted to save you some of the TJ savory banana and nut trek mix....but it was kinda awful so I made sure it was properly disposed of. :/"

What can I say? This is our madhouse time of year at work right now. I needed a quick snack to grab on the way out the door. I just spent $2.99 of our hard earned money on it not a day or two before. Snagged it as I ran out in the wee morning hours as I overslept, thought to myself, nah, I'll make sure to save her some...

I failed. Failed failed failed. Failed hard, failed long. "Properly disposed of" is a good way to put it, as I did, but that kinda awful part? No, I did not forget the best return policy in all of grand and glorious grocerdom...I just neglected to tack on the "-ly darn good." 

So yes, properly disposed off, down the pie hole, in next to no time flat, because dang....it's GOOD. I was hungry too, but GOOD. 

So, Trader Joe's Savory Banana & Nuts Trek Mix. Awesome. The base of this newish snack mix is pretty simple and straightforward - standard banana chips, cashews and pecans. No peanuts or other fillers, straight to the good stuff. All business. I like it. All are appropriately crunchy, I'd say bananas are most prevalent followed by cashews. Pecans were a bit sparse. To be expected, I guess. 

"Lightly seasoned" though? Nah. Every square micromillimeter was coated in dusty brown spice mix which stuck remarkably well to the chips and nuts. Reading the ingredients at first for it, I was a bit concerned - coconut aminos mixed with apple cider vinegar and garlic, with some other standard stuff mixed in? How's that gonna play out?

Marvelously well. The end result is actually fairly mild, but still with a warm spicy sense to it. But there's a certain sweet vibe underneath it all, which still allows for the natural goodness of the nanners and nuts to come through. It's kinda like a light Caribbean jerk vibe, I guess. I called and the jerk store was out of it, so i couldn't quite do the direct comparison with the real deal and instead going off my increasingly faulty memory. Delicious though. I'd use this spice blend on just about anything. 

That's about it. Deeeeee-lish. No real complaints at all. I mean, it might be a slightly premium price at $3, but again it's all killer no filler ingredient wise so i get it. I wouldn't be surpised if something identical were at least a buck or two if not more somewhere else. Maybe a couple more pecans woulda made me happier, but in all it's really hard to complain too much about anything about this interesting snack. 

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Savory Banana & Nuts Trek Mix: 9 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Organic Lemonade

Please excuse the slightly disheveled shape the box of Trader Joe's Organic Lemonade pouches is up top of this review. I salvaged it as best I could. You see, my kids drink pretty much only water and milk, with the occasional hot chocolate or fizzy water. Oh, and my four year old likes the last sip of my coffee too...even though I drink it black...weird.

Point is, drinks like this are a downright treat. And when playing in a creek at a picnic with a bunch of friends, when these punchy pouches get busted out, there were shrieks of joy. 

Personally, I've never liked the idea of beverages in pouches. I get it from the ecological standpoint but there's too many bad memories of stained and ruined, CapriSun-soaked Champion shorts from my youth. Seriously, I know of no kid who can do these themselves. I just turned 37 and can barely manage it, can anyone really expect the under-10 crowd to?

But anyways, for what it is, this TJ's lemonade is decent. It's not awesome but not awful either. The comparative competition isn't really all the delicious fresh squeezed juices out there, or those you can make for yourself...I mean, this is from concentrate and all that. It's all the other juice boxes on the shelf, with which I'm not well acquainted with current offerings.

The lemonade itself is pretty well balanced. There's plenty of citric lemonosity but enough sugar to keep it all in check without being overly tart. And there's not that much added sugar, I don't think, for being what it is. It's smooth, pulp free, and can definitely be a touch refreshing. There's no sticky sweetness or odd aftertaste or anything. It works.

I'd prefer lemonade more on the tart side, with the pulp and what not, but something tells me as the middle aged guy in this conversation that I'm not the target audience here. Yeah, at the aforementioned picnic, I was more after the adult beverages while trying to ensure no one was in danger of drowning. I'm not 100% sure of the price on these, as a friend of ours brought them in, but probably in the $4ish range for eight pouches. Correct me if I'm wrong please. All the kids at the picnic liked them enough for me to give 'em a score higher than I would otherwise.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Organic Lemonade: 7.5 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Organic Juice Shots

Okay, I'll admit it. I'm completely ignorant about the answer to the following question: What is the point of Trader Joe's Organic Juice Shots?

Up until sitting down to write this review, I was working under the assumption that these new dinky drinkies were some sort of natural energy boost type deal. In that regard, they fail miserably.

Digestive aid? Maybe. My stomach hates me enough and has enough issues that one or two of these won't sway it either way.

Anti-inflammatory? Maybe. I'm in my mid-thirties so my body is still sorting out what it's doing in that regard as well.

One objective they do miserably fail at, at least for my lovely bride and me: being a cool, refreshing, fun little beverage that nwill make me ever want to drop $1.99 each on them ever again. No thank you. No.

TJ's has these in two varieties, of which I've had a swig or two of both: No Joke Ginger and Mighty Turmeric. Let's take them one at a time.

No Joke Ginger: Ugh, these stuff is harsh.  No other word for it. This flavor was the one Sandy was more willing to try...one small sip and she nearly spat it out all over the inside of our minivan's windshield. I tried and could see why. It's pungently gingery - so strong, so harsh and when mixed with lemon juice and coconut water in the proportions it's in - ugh. Not good. This coming from a guy who loves ginger kombuchas too, so I thought I could take it. Nope. Awful. The cayenne doesn't make it any better either. I somehow gulped mine down. 

Mighty Turmeric: Better than the ginger but still not great. Everything seemed a little more well balanced, with a bit of warming glow from the turmeric that was enhanced by a little black pepper. Still, this was not something I can truly say that I enjoyed drinking. It just didn't really taste all that great. I'm kinda glad it was such a small bottle.

These two new juices are something I'm willing to be wrong about. And hey, if they work for you, and have some benefit for you that you value, I'm not gonna disparage that one bit. I'm just gonna say, it's not for us and you go ahead and enjoy. If we're not buying them again, that means more for you, right? Feel free to leave a comment or two with your take on these, especially if you like 'em. There's just no love from us. Double thumbs down.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Organic Juice Shots: 1 out of 10 Golden Spoons

Trader Joe's Strawberry Fruit Spread with Natural Rose Flavor

Sometimes, only a good biscuit will do.

You know the type. Warm, soft and flaky inside. Slight crispy and greasy outside. Buttermilky. Carby. So amazingly, deliciously good, a little disc of heaven here on earth. Nothing can make them better, right?

Man, I wish that either my wife or I could make biscuits like that. Because we can't, and that means I can't put some Trader Joe's Strawberry Fruit Spread with Natural Rose Flavor all over top of them.

I weep.

This spread is totally my jam. Totally. It's soft, smooth and 100% spreadable all over the place. Aside from an occasional crispy from a stray seed, it's practically melt in your mouth good.

And taste? Dang. The spread is unmistakably strawberryesque and sweet, but not in an over-the-top, cloying way. I mean, yes, there's some added sugar but when isn't there in any type of fruit spread? Just goes with the territory. Plus the rose flavor seems to help keep the sugariness in check by offering just the right amount of balance. It's really quite something to taste.

It's not biscuits that came to mind for Sandy when she first sampled this new TJ's strawberry spread. Nope. Her first thought: Cupcakes, and using the spread as a fruity filling. I can get 100% behind that. Both of us aren't that big into cream-cheese-and-jam type deals but if you are, this would probably work. Or in some yogurt with a little granola. Or most anything else one could use jelly for...keep it outta the pb&j's, though. Or at least the ones for the kiddos. I have absolutely zero complaints, while Sandy only notes she wishes it were a little more rose-flavored. Regardless it's a great little pickup, and spread some on some tasty biscuits for us. Lucky.

Bottom line: Trader Joe's Strawberry Fruit Spread with Natural Rose Flavor: 8 out of 10 Golden Spoons 

Trader Joe's Strawberry Greek Frozen Yogurt Parfait Bars

On hot summer days, I'll pop open the freezer to see what frozen goodies the wife has stashed away. I'll often find a box of Outshine yogurt bars hiding behind stacks of frozen veggies and waffles. Sonia knows better than to advertise such purchases to me. After grocery runs, she'll discreetly put them in the back of the ice box when I'm not looking. 

It's not that she wants to keep them all to herself. She's smart enough to know that I'll eat the entire box in a day if I'm aware of them right away. So generally, she'll consume the first bar or two in the day following their arrival to our freezer, and all the rest will rapidly fall prey to my insatiable sweet tooth. For those of you who like to preach "self-control" and "willpower," I'd like to point out that there are, in fact, different kinds of self-control. Mine is the kind that refrains from purchasing sweets while at the grocery store in the first place. Once they're in the house, it's game-over for me, provided that I'm aware of their presence.

I'm pretty sure these parfait bars will take the place of Outshine in our freezer now. Sonia is a huge fan. And that's a good thing. Because she'll make sure she eats at least half of them right off the bat. This first box didn't even last a full hour between the two of us. We ate two immediately upon arrival, semi-melted from the July heat, while the remaining two re-froze for a bit.

The flavor is excellent. Not too sticky sweet, not too tangy. It's strawberry yogurt at its best—creamy, flavorful, and satisfying. The granola is a wonderful addition. It's not intrusive or excessive, and it adds a little body and fullness to the texture. If you're expecting super crunchy granola, you might be a bit disappointed. It's "soggy" granola, for lack of a better word, but we both like it just fine. It's like the granola you might find in one of the "bowl" offerings from Jamba Juice or somewhere similar. The bars are relatively small, but they're fairly filling.

$2.99 for four bars. Pretty decent numbers as far as fat and calories are concerned. There's a fair amount of added sugars, but when balanced against the overall satisfaction factor, it's definitely not a deal-breaker here.

Four and a half stars and an enthusiastic thumbs up from Sonia. Four stars from me.

Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10.